Speed-Dating
by garam81
Summary: A series of very short, flash fiction type stories featuring Iris Wildthyme meeting all the versions of The Doctor, out of order. I've started writing 'One' and 'Eleven'. I'll update them when I can.


Screech…

The bus comes to a stop and I'm already out the door, waving a hurried ta-ra to my friend Panda, who's busy popping the cork off a 2013 Prosecco to bother waving a paw back. Oh, he can keep his booze. I've got more important things to worry about. I've got twelve dates to get through in the next half hour and I'm starting to regret the Ann Summers knickers I bought on a whim. Bloody thing's melting!

I've parked up outside a great big art gallery. Ooh, very posh! According to a little device I've managed to get my hands on, it's 1879 and my first date is inside waiting! Lucky me! It's a bit of a blind date, you see. Well, I know who I'm going to be meeting during these 30 minutes but not in which order. Hope it's one of the lovely, younger ones. Iris Wildthyme, Cougar Extraordinaire - although my dates are all older than me, despite some of their protestations!

By heck, there's a lot of walking involved in a museum! In my leopard-print high heels, I click-clacked my way through the museum entrance, past various exhibitions and people in frock coats and gowns. My head's darting this way and that, looking for a familiar face. I try to slow my pace - I don't want to be all sweaty and red-faced when I meet him. Though if things go well…

The little device gives a small beep. Ooh, I must be getting closer! These pants are getting really unnecessary now. Luckily, I've spotted a door to the Ladies. I rush in, whip the knickers off, resist the urge to have a nibble, then continue my quest. Like this, I'm definitely all fur coat and no knickers!

I find my date sitting on a long bench, with his back to me, looking up at a painting of some scrawny tart with a thin bit of tat covering her unmentionables. Going by the hair and the choice of venue, I'm relieved that it's one of the nicer regenerations. Actually, he's a real looker, this one! Oh how I want to run my fingers through that luscious wavy hair..

"Hello, Iris," he says in that smooth tone that gives me shivers. He doesn't look round. "I thought I heard your bus pull up."

I make my way across the room and sit down next to him. I'm glad to see none of those sycophantic floozies he knocks about with are hovering close by. I truly have him all to myself. Oooh!

"Hello, lovey," I say brightly, shifting a bit so I can feel the body heat off him. Oh, steady, Iris girl. Play it cool! "You're looking well," I say.

He sighs heavily. I give him a side-glance. He's looking melancholic as he continues staring at the painting. Aw, the poor thing looks like he needs a hug. I open my mouth to offer a cuddle but he turns and faces me instead. I look at him full-on. Oh, those lovely brown eyes…

"Do you sometimes wonder if you should stop?" he asks, catching me off-guard.

"Stop?" I ask, not sure what he means.

"Stop travelling. Getting involved. Changing lives," he explains.

"Never," I say, without hesitating. "It's too much fun." I smile conspiratorally, but then see the sadness in his eyes. Well, this date's gone off to a flying start. "What's happened, Doctor?"

He shakes his head and looks back at the painting. "I travelled. Got involved. Changed a life."

I follow his gaze to the painting and really look at it this time. The girl's thin. Bony, even. She clutches the sheet to her body awkwardly. Her fair hair hangs low and needs a good brush through it. "Who was she?" I ask quietly.

"I don't know. I never met her."

I frown. "Then how…" I begin to ask.

"I changed a life. Someone else's life. For the better, for them. Not for her." He nods towards the girl who's painted eyes reveal sadness that matches the Doctor's. I hate seeing him like this. Especially this one.

"So go back. Change that first life back to change hers."

He looks at me again. "But then a life will still be ruined."

"What's done is done. Whatever actions we take, however small, have repercussions for someone somewhere. If you kept on fixing all the bad changes everyone suffers then you'd go insane and leave a devastated multiverse in your wake."

Oh bloody hell, that sounded quite deep for me!

"You're right, I suppose," he says, with a sigh. Then he smiles at me and my hopes for a hot date rise. "For all your insanity, Iris, you do sometimes talk sense."

I'll take the compliment and bin the insult.

"So what brings you here, Ms Wildthyme?" He rises from the bench. I follow suit and we walk slowly away from the painting of the sad girl.

"Well, you did, Doctor," I say, putting on my best sultry voice.

"Me?" He says, bemused.

"I've decided that some of your regenerations don't appreciate me as some of the others do, present company excluded, of course."

"Thank you," he says, laughing softly.

"So I'm dating you. All of you," I say triumphantly.

He looks taken aback. "Dating as in -"

"Dating as in stepping out, spending time together, dancing cheek to cheek." I watch his reaction. The horror is hard to hide. "I'm speed-dating you!"

"Oh" is all he manages to say. I notice he's picked up his pace. Maybe he's secretly pleased and going to whisk me off for a naughty weekend in the Honeymoon Palace of the Champagne Planet.

But my delight turns to irritation as we stop next to his TARDIS which sits in an alcove around the corner. A girl in a brown leather jacket and denim skirt leans against the side of the blue box, looking utterly bored. She stands up straight at the sight of the Doctor.

"Finally," she says. "Can we go now, Doctor? I've been waiting so long I was sure someone was going to pass by and stick me in a display cabinet." She has a northern accent which grates.

"Ah, Lucie," says the Doctor, putting an arm around the girl's shoulder that seems to confuse her as much as it does me. "Lucie, meet an old friend of mine, Iris Wildthyme."

Lucie gives me the one over before plastering an insincere smile on her face. "Hiya!" she says brightly, then her smile disappears as she glares at the Doctor. "Now, can we go?"

"Sorry, Iris. We do need to get going. I've got to see a man about a Dalek."

"Y'what?" says Lucie, but she is thrust into the TARDIS after the Doctor unlocks the door.

I don't say anything. I just narrow my eyes at the foppish fool. So, he thinks he can just run away, does he? Think this Lucie is better company than Iris Wildthyme, eh?

"See you around, Iris," he says, closing the doors with an apologetic look.

"Oh, you'd better believe it, buster!" I shout as seconds later the TARDIS begins to dematerialise.

I roll up the sleeves of my coat and stalk back through the gallery to the bus. If the next date doesn't end in satin sheets, edible chocolate and lots of giggling, Iris Wildthyme will not be happy!


End file.
